Loving Myself More Than Chocolate Cake

What a good feeling! I was finally looking forward to my Monday morning weigh in and blog again! After a week of staying on plan and getting my runs in, I am five pounds down! That's the biggest loss I have ever had in one week! One thing I know, is that WW works when you do it right. It is so nice to see the scale moving in the right direction again!

I am re-motivated and ready to lose the rest of this weight. I had settled into my new "30-ish pounds down" figure and after hovering around that mark for several months, I know how easy it would be to stay there, or even worse, to start creeping up from there. With that weight gone, I feel better, but not great. I didn't start this journey to hate my body less. I started it to prove to myself that after years of self-loathing, it was possible to get to a place of contentment with my appearance. To prove to myself that the "self-control" that I have always displayed in other areas of my life, could also be applied to my diet and exercise.

I've had many revelations along the way, but I guess the thing that stands out to me the most is that being overweight, for me, really is a choice. There may be some people that medically can't lose weight (not sure, just want to make sure that I'm not coming across as condemning). For me, it is a choice. I can lose weight when I am honest with myself and making an effort. It is far from easy to change 32 years of bad eating habits, but it can be done. When I am honest with myself, I have to acknowledge that it's not a question of whether or not I can lose the weight... it's actually whether or not I'm willing to put the work and effort into it. So why should I sit around in the shadows of life, despising my appearance? What kind of example does that set for my children? It's time to love myself more than the chocolate cake! It's time to finish this journey.

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Starting Again, Luckily Not Over

So as my older, wiser sister pointed out on vacation (while I was grumbling about how quickly weight can pile back on), today I am starting again, but luckily not over.  Yes, I have gained an embarrassing amount of weight after about 5 weeks of being "off plan", BUT, I have not gained it all back. I'm regrouped now, and ready to go.

One thing I have definitely learned about this process is how essential meal planning is. A pantry and refrigerator stocked with all the right foods, can make or break a week. So, mine is ready to go!

Jason and I are back on the treadmill tonight! Looking forward to it. Now that we've had some cooler weather, we are hoping to do some outdoor running as well.

I could go on with some self-loathing, bashing my willpower, hating myself for so many vacation splurges, putting me back to my pre-Vegas weight....but it won't do any good. To steal a line from my husband..... it is what it is. I knew this would be a journey, and as with any journey there are ups and downs. The last month or so has been full of "ups" which has left me feeling "down"....now I'm ready for some "downs" to make me feel "up"! Whew---did you follow that?

A little late....

Don't want to allow myself to not blog this week.... I'm having a hard time getting "re-motivated" for a couple of reasons.
1. I leave on another vacation on Sunday.. and have big plans to start up again with my twin sister who is no longer pregnant as soon as we return.
2. On my last vacation, we somehow lost my IPOD which is essential to my running. :(

 I did manage to lose one pound last week in spite of all my birthday celebrations... Cheddar's, PF Changs, Applebee's, pizza with friends, and a HUGE brisket feast cooked by my mother. This week hasn't been as bad, but like I said, with another vacation around the corner, it's been very easy to say, "after vacation....."

So, here's my blog, several days late.  Still committed to losing the rest of this weight...counting on my sister to kick my butt in gear! :)

Starting Over

One week of company (and many food splurges), followed by one week of family vacation (and many food splurges), followed by one unexpected funeral week (and many food splurges) has left me up 4 pounds. Really? Just like that. How quickly it comes back on.  I definitely earned this weigh in. Three weeks of eating whatever I pleased coupled with two weeks of no running was a nice break--but unfortunately equaled up to a weigh in just under my Vegas weigh in back in April. OUCH!

So it's time to get back on the wagon. I'm still not comfortable with my weight so there is more work to be done. Today is a new day, starting off a new week. Tonight will be my first run in 2 weeks. I actually miss it, and am looking forward to it.

Throughout this whole process I've never selected a final goal weight. I'm still not sure I'm ready to set that, but I do know I'd like to lose at least 20 more pounds.  So today starts a new journey. A journey to lose 20 lbs.  More specific....I'd like to have this 20 lbs gone by Christmas. I realize that is a very generous amount of time to accomplish this task. Four pounds a month doesn't seem like anything to scream about, but I'm okay with that.

This weeks goals are to run 3 times, stay on plan with my diet, and log my points into weightwatchers.com each day.

I appreciate the emails/wall posts asking me where my blog had disappeared to. It's nice to have the accountability.

Moving in the Right Direction Again!

After a brutal weigh in last week I am happy to report this past week was much better. Down 3.....so I "re-lost" the 2 I'd gained, and dropped another pound! That brings my total lost to 35.5 pounds. So very happy!

I went swimsuit suit shopping...(will this EVER be fun?) and tried on some pants while I was there... officially 3 sizes down! :) I am now the size I used to say...if I could just be a ___, I'd be happy. But, I am far from happy. Honestly, more times than not, I'm wondering how on Earth I was ever that much heavier than this when I have so far still to go. I'm thinking I must have been in major denial over just how big I really was. Is it possible that all of those "bad pictures" of me are what I really looked like? Nahhhh! ;)

Anyway, the running is still going well. I tend to think of it as "mommy's uninterrupted time to go listen to her favorite tunes" and that is usually all the motivation I need!

This week I'd like to lose at least one more, then I'll be hoping to maintain the following week since we'll be on vacation!
(My cousins are spending the week with me, so I roped Arika into taking  a couple of new progression pics of me!)

Crash Landing

So, I fell off the wagon this week and it ended with a big crash landing on the scales this morning. Up 2 pounds.  This came as no surprise, I worked VERY hard for that weigh in! ;) It was VBS week which means YUMMY food every single day for all of the hard working volunteers. It also means you've already done the hard work of loading all three kids in the car, so it's very easy to do lunch out before heading home...and that we did-- McD's, DQ, and Pizza Hut all got lunch time visits! It was also a busy week in the evenings, which often equates to dinner on the go....(insert CiCi's Pizza, Casa Martinez, and Village Inn here)! We can't forget one of my favorite things in the world--- a relaxing barbecue with friends. It was the first time in over 6 months now, that I showed absolutely no regard for my diet....and boy did it catch up with me. I started off the week thinking I'll just try to maintain....and ended it thinking, may as well live it up-- I'll start again on Monday. So now it is Monday....and I am securely buckled back on the wagon! 

A Quick Update

I barely have time to squeeze a post in today, but don't want to break my streak. It's a good thing I don't have much to report on! Good news, bad news. Good news...I did not gain. Bad news... I did not lose. I'm not real sure why. I was on plan with my eating, did all of my workouts, and left pop out of the equation (except for one during my garage sale). The only thing I can figure is that after a 3 lb loss last week, it was going to be hard to lose much more this week. Who knows.

Anyway, off to another week. By the end of this week, I'll be running for 11 minutes with walking on both sides! Again, I know that seems like nothing to most people, but this is huge for me. I have never in my life ran for that long. So I guess for this week, I'll take joy in the fact that I am improving my health, even though the scale might not be reflecting it.